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Men's Mental Health: Reaching Out is a Sign of Strength

Submitted by the USPS Employee Assistance Program

Throughout history, men have been expected to be strong, stoic and assertive. Young men grow up hearing “shake it off” or “toughen up” when they are hurt, physically or emotionally. Issues arise when, down the road, tragedy or unexpected pain hits.

In response to adversity, men usually follow the advice they’ve been given. They remain cut off from feelings they don’t view as manly. Shutting down and burying their feelings seem like the right move.

Internally, they have a conflict, are sad or worried, but can’t express it. When repeated, this pattern can lead to a denial of their feelings. It becomes easier to cut off negative feelings and adopt anger.

To alleviate challenges with which they are struggling internally, men may turn to alcohol, drugs or other type of addiction for relief. This downward spiral of closing off, feeling the internal stress, then using poor coping mechanisms can lead to other mental health issues. They then rely on themselves to fix the problem instead of finding it appropriate to ask for help.

How do men get past these struggles? Getting mental health advice from a counselor is a start.

Men often are skeptical about how counseling can help them. When they display poor coping skills on a regular basis, they are told they need counseling. Men sometimes hesitate to reach out for help because they feel as if asking for support is a sign of weakness. They also may feel strange talking about their feelings.

Some fear they will be judged for asking for help. Once again, they’ve been led to believe that emotions such as sadness or fear shouldn’t be acknowledged.

Traditionally, society has demanded that men display fearlessness, independence and strength that sometimes—although mistakenly—may be viewed as incompatible with therapy. The truth is, reaching out for help is a sign of strength.

Why don’t men seek help?

The stigma associated with men seeking mental health care is destructive. Men experience the same challenges and negative emotions any person does. They also deserve, like anyone else, to experience the benefits that counseling can provide. Men can and do get better when they view seeking help as a strength.

The stigma attached to receiving help can result in various problems. Men may seek relief from suffering by using alcohol or other substances or both. Not only is this approach not effective in the long run, but it also is harmful. Seeking relief in chemical form can lead to many problematic consequences, including relationship, financial, physical and legal difficulties.

Substance use may make a person more impulsive and raises the risk of contemplating suicide. Other addictions have similar outcomes when used to alleviate suffering. Overeating, sexual addiction and gambling all are poor coping strategies.

At first it feels good to engage in an addiction, but, over time, the residual feeling of self-hatred and disgust can lead to depression, anxiety and isolation. Discussing more effective solutions with a counselor or seeking appropriate medications from a prescribing physician or both will prove to be much more effective and healthier.

Another issue men may face, other than stigma, is they may be so out of touch with their emotions they don’t realize when they are struggling. Because of society’s expectations, many boys from a young age are not encouraged to express vulnerability. They learn to suppress emotional responses so, by the time they are adults, they may be genuinely unaware of their emotions and how to appropriately express them.

Sometimes when men recognize negative emotions, they continue to deny there is a problem. Whether they are concerned about how others will view them for seeking counseling or some other reason, they’ll often find excuses to avoid seeking counseling. It is important to resist letting excuses get in the way of receiving needed help.

What can be done?

A key challenge men face is they may not seek social support regarding their concerns. Many men avoid sharing feelings with friends and family, even though it might be the very thing they need to help face life challenges. In fact, social support can and does result in better outcomes for people struggling with a problem. If social support is something that might help, men may need to reach out to groups dedicated to being open about feelings.

A spiritual organization, community center or place of worship may be able to help. If substance abuse or other addiction is involved, trying a 12-step program or other form of social support also could help. Unfortunately, the same stigma associated with mental health support can be present in those settings, as well.

As health professionals work to reduce the stigma in society for people receiving mental health care, it is important for men to feel more comfortable reaching out for help when they notice strong, negative emotions. Everyone should do what they can to normalize counseling and help remove the stigma from seeking services to improve mental health.

Leading by example can be effective in showing others the benefit of receiving mental health services. Teaching children the importance of investing in their mental health could go a long way in helping make a change.

The USPS Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

EAP professionals understand that barriers to seeking counseling are real. They are here to help remove some of the obstacles by offering:

1. The understanding that services are entirely confidential* (unless there is an immediate safety concern, which would be discussed in session). The EAP keeps all information completely private. No one will know about participation in the EAP unless an individual chooses to share that information.

A person has the right to receive care without anyone knowing about it. However, if one did wish to tell others, they would be doing their part to lessen the stigma other men face when seeking help. Sometimes sharing the fact they reached out for help may inspire others to do the same.

2. Counseling, consultation and coaching services are offered in a variety of ways to suit the needs and comfort levels of those seeking assistance. In addition to in-person care, USPS employees and their families can access professional services anytime, anywhere, through a computer, tablet or smartphone. By removing location and scheduling barriers, you have greater flexibility and more options when it comes to receiving care.

3. Counseling and EAP services are completely free. There is no harm in trying it from a financial standpoint.

With the confidential nature of EAP and counseling in general, men do not need to worry about what others may say or think. It is normal to feel a little uncomfortable when talking about problems and issues, but it may be helpful to remember that making the call is a sign of strength—not weakness.

Please give us a call today with any questions about the information discussed in this article or any other questions about health and wellness. The EAP is available at 1-800-327-4968 (800-EAP-4YOU); TTY: 877-492-7341, or visit EAP4You.com.

*EAP counselors have master’s degrees and are licensed professionals. Your privacy is protected by strict federal and state confidentiality laws and regulations and professional ethical standards for counselors. Information you share with the EAP may not be released to anyone without your prior written consent, except as required by law (e.g., when a person’s emotional condition is a threat to themselves or others or there is suspected child or elder abuse) or the issuance of a court order on a show of good cause.